A Word to the National Collegiate Athletic Association
Dear NCAA,
I would ask that you please cease these senseless basketball tournaments every March. Year after year I print out a bracket from the internet (admittedly, this year I filled one out online, but that's beside the point), fill it out, and end up being as close to 100% wrong as a human being can reasonably expect to come. The only solution to my problem, I feel, is that you discontinue this tournament and disband every college basketball team. Certainly you must understand how I have concluded that your system is defective, because under normal circumstances, I am never wrong. Everyone knows this. I firmly believe that I am the subject of some kind of cruel and tasteless joke at your hands, and these laughs you all share at my expense will simply have to stop. I have put up with this for too long as it stands; this year, however, SUNY Albany's first round (and quite crushing, I might add) defeat was the final straw. I will no longer allow my championship team to be knocked out in the first round. It is unacceptable.
Furthermore, I feel there is a large problem with the separation of teams into "divisions" based on apparent skill level. I have yet to encounter a Division II team (surely they must exist; I just don't look very hard), and I for one am very tired of attending a school that has all but one Division III sports. This supposed ranking says nothing about the quality of the school or the talent of the individual players; instead, it creates an unnecessary prejudice in casual observers, who recoil from the supposed lesser merit of supposed lesser teams. I demand equal representation among all divisions of collegiate athletics and all academic programs within those divisions; anything else is nothing shy of tyranny, and I will not put up with it.
It is with this set of conditions that I issue my ultimatum: submit to my authority and revise your flawed system, or I will hereby disown your association and find myself in a state of ceaseless and indefatigable vigilance against your persons. What this entails I have yet to fully decide, but know that it will be highly unpleasant and inconvenient for you, and in the end I will establish the perfect organization for collegiate athletics. I will dominate college sports all over the Earth and ultimately the galaxy. Do not take this letter lightly.
Sincerely,
Christopher J. Monthie
Enlightenedest Person on Planet Earth
I would ask that you please cease these senseless basketball tournaments every March. Year after year I print out a bracket from the internet (admittedly, this year I filled one out online, but that's beside the point), fill it out, and end up being as close to 100% wrong as a human being can reasonably expect to come. The only solution to my problem, I feel, is that you discontinue this tournament and disband every college basketball team. Certainly you must understand how I have concluded that your system is defective, because under normal circumstances, I am never wrong. Everyone knows this. I firmly believe that I am the subject of some kind of cruel and tasteless joke at your hands, and these laughs you all share at my expense will simply have to stop. I have put up with this for too long as it stands; this year, however, SUNY Albany's first round (and quite crushing, I might add) defeat was the final straw. I will no longer allow my championship team to be knocked out in the first round. It is unacceptable.
Furthermore, I feel there is a large problem with the separation of teams into "divisions" based on apparent skill level. I have yet to encounter a Division II team (surely they must exist; I just don't look very hard), and I for one am very tired of attending a school that has all but one Division III sports. This supposed ranking says nothing about the quality of the school or the talent of the individual players; instead, it creates an unnecessary prejudice in casual observers, who recoil from the supposed lesser merit of supposed lesser teams. I demand equal representation among all divisions of collegiate athletics and all academic programs within those divisions; anything else is nothing shy of tyranny, and I will not put up with it.
It is with this set of conditions that I issue my ultimatum: submit to my authority and revise your flawed system, or I will hereby disown your association and find myself in a state of ceaseless and indefatigable vigilance against your persons. What this entails I have yet to fully decide, but know that it will be highly unpleasant and inconvenient for you, and in the end I will establish the perfect organization for collegiate athletics. I will dominate college sports all over the Earth and ultimately the galaxy. Do not take this letter lightly.
Sincerely,
Christopher J. Monthie
Enlightenedest Person on Planet Earth
posted by The Chris at 11:51 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home