Two Things I Will Never Be Exceptional At
Note that I ended the title with a preposition, which is grammatically incorrect, but this I say to grammar: stuff it. Two things the past few days have taught me I am horrendous at are basketball brackets and Starcraft. That is to say, I fail at those things. Every March all of these people get whipped into a fanatical college basketball frenzy, largely due to these so-called "brackets" that are distributed with which people can make predictions as to the outcome of the NCAA men's basketball tournament. I can't really understand the absurd ritualistic behavior of these people, even though I participate in it to a small degree. I have yet to put any money into a pool (thankfully; I would be out a huge sum of money by now), but every year I fill out a bracket using the patented "pick the names of schools that you think sound good" method, which usually starts by picking a winner (a school I'm familiar with), a runner-up (another school I'm familiar with but don't like as much as the winner), Oral Roberts advancing to the semifinals (know among fanatics as the "Final Four," which is a perfectly apt name, I just don't choose to adhere to this and others of the most insane customs), and then other cool-sounding teams or schools I am moderately familiar with. For some reason, this particular method leads me to be wrong on just about all counts, with the exception of first round picks of higher seed than their opponent. This year I had Albany defeating Maryland in the championship (wrong on both counts; Albany was desecrated in the first round, and Maryland lost today in the second round), Oral Roberts (as usual) in the "Final Four" (again, first round defeat), and a whole bunch of other stuff that I no longer care about, because my three favorite teams of all time (a.k.a. this year) are all done. Therefore, I am officially giving up on college basketball for the rest of my life, at least until next March when all this tomfoolery starts right back up again and I feel myself inextricably drawn into inevitable heartbreak at the hands of the National Collegiate Athletic Association and its accursed basketball tournament.
Just as a side note, I have yet to hear a better name for a school than Oral Roberts.
I also mentioned that I fail at Starcraft. I very much wish that I didn't; however, unlike basketball, Starcraft isn't so much of a religion as a simple recreational activity used to fill up the days just following my spring break, when my brother is on his spring break and I should be doing homework and sleeping at reasonable hours. Nevertheless, I am willing to run on two hours of sleep in order to get in a few good rounds of this joyous and nearly ten year old game. Despite its age, I still consider it to be the best game ever, with the most adaptability and highest replay value of anything ever. Even though I've remained faithfully devoted to the game since around December of my 7th grade year, when I first dipped my fingers into the immeasurable depths of its pool of true greatness, I have not been granted any kind of extraordinary skills that would allow me to defeat, say, another human player. No matter what, every single game I find myself the subject of a brutal flood of some base unit, whether it be six zealots, twelve marines and firebats, or four hundred thousand zerglings within about thirty seconds of the beginning of the game. This is all completely irrelevant since, as I said, Starcraft is not a religion like college basketball. Yes, there are some professional players, like those crazy Koreans, but they're from Korea, so there you go. There is no cosmic significance whatsoever in Starcraft, unlike basketball, which apparently determines one's place in heaven. I just wish I could be blessed with the amazing real time strategy prowess that the world's best Starcraft players have. I don't suppose I'm cut out to be excellent at anything, except maybe reading books multiple times.
As for my wild claims regarding ants in a prior blog post, I just want to assure my faithful readers that I have yet to do any honest research on the topic. It remains purely speculative, and will continue to remain so indefinitely. I daresay it's hardly worth my time bothering to actually support my claims, because a hypothesis is better off existing as a hypothesis yet to be subject to the scientific method than being shot down by honest effort. Speculation is the name of the game these days, and it certainly would make no sense to do any real work. I would be better off just getting funding from some gullible idiot so that I could purchase a PlayStation 3 and a bunch of great games and spend my time attempting to beat every single video game ever made. Anyway, I still think that ants are pretty cool and probably a lot smarter than we give them credit for, even though they continue to build using dirt (it's highly inefficient, I think).
By gum, it's now 11:45 and I don't know what I should be doing with my life. Maybe I will become a world class cartoonist. Until then, folks, I leave you with my most fondest farewell.
The End
Just as a side note, I have yet to hear a better name for a school than Oral Roberts.
I also mentioned that I fail at Starcraft. I very much wish that I didn't; however, unlike basketball, Starcraft isn't so much of a religion as a simple recreational activity used to fill up the days just following my spring break, when my brother is on his spring break and I should be doing homework and sleeping at reasonable hours. Nevertheless, I am willing to run on two hours of sleep in order to get in a few good rounds of this joyous and nearly ten year old game. Despite its age, I still consider it to be the best game ever, with the most adaptability and highest replay value of anything ever. Even though I've remained faithfully devoted to the game since around December of my 7th grade year, when I first dipped my fingers into the immeasurable depths of its pool of true greatness, I have not been granted any kind of extraordinary skills that would allow me to defeat, say, another human player. No matter what, every single game I find myself the subject of a brutal flood of some base unit, whether it be six zealots, twelve marines and firebats, or four hundred thousand zerglings within about thirty seconds of the beginning of the game. This is all completely irrelevant since, as I said, Starcraft is not a religion like college basketball. Yes, there are some professional players, like those crazy Koreans, but they're from Korea, so there you go. There is no cosmic significance whatsoever in Starcraft, unlike basketball, which apparently determines one's place in heaven. I just wish I could be blessed with the amazing real time strategy prowess that the world's best Starcraft players have. I don't suppose I'm cut out to be excellent at anything, except maybe reading books multiple times.
As for my wild claims regarding ants in a prior blog post, I just want to assure my faithful readers that I have yet to do any honest research on the topic. It remains purely speculative, and will continue to remain so indefinitely. I daresay it's hardly worth my time bothering to actually support my claims, because a hypothesis is better off existing as a hypothesis yet to be subject to the scientific method than being shot down by honest effort. Speculation is the name of the game these days, and it certainly would make no sense to do any real work. I would be better off just getting funding from some gullible idiot so that I could purchase a PlayStation 3 and a bunch of great games and spend my time attempting to beat every single video game ever made. Anyway, I still think that ants are pretty cool and probably a lot smarter than we give them credit for, even though they continue to build using dirt (it's highly inefficient, I think).
By gum, it's now 11:45 and I don't know what I should be doing with my life. Maybe I will become a world class cartoonist. Until then, folks, I leave you with my most fondest farewell.
The End
posted by The Chris at 12:08 AM
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