College students are hilarious
I was walking towards the DCC today after my Discrete Structures recitation when this sign caught my eye that was taped to a pillar. It boldly proclaimed "OVER 859,000 AMERICANS HAVE VOTED TO IMPEACH BUSH. SOMEONE TELL THE MEDIA." At first I just laughed at this sign, but then I gave it some honest thought. Of course, immediately after thinking about it I laughed even harder, because it's probably the most absurd sign I've ever seen. There's nothing funnier than a dumb, idealistic, ignorant college student, most likely a bleeding heart liberal, who thinks he's making the world a better place by spreading his idiocy about. Or her idiocy. Anyway, there are a number of reasons why this sign was an absolute hoot. First, over 859,000 Americans are morons with absolutely no idea what impeachment is. Read carefully: impeachment is a trial. Like for a crime. George Bush has not committed a crime. In fact, George Bush is not even suspected of committing a crime. Ergo, you can't impeach him. Hilarious. Second, how exactly did all these people "vote?" Note that America is a representative democracy. Individual Americans don't vote. We elect people to vote for us. A "survey" is not a "vote." It's a bloody survey. Hilarious. Third, "SOMEONE TELL THE MEDIA?" What the heck is the media going to do? The media != the government. Granted, they try to be sometimes, but they aren't. Furthermore, I can't remember the last time I wasn't hearing about how bad of a guy George Bush is. I'd say the media is well aware. Hilarious. Now here's the kicker: 859,000 Americans is less than .3% of the population of the country. In fact, that's about 10% of the population of New York City alone. As far as I'm aware, a majority is 51%. That's not even close. Is that number supposed to mean something? Hilarious. Here's my advice: these 859,000+ Americans, including the one who put up the sign, should go take a government class and then hurl themselves off a cliff like the bunch of stupid lemmings that they are.
I've also noticed a recent trend in the way we play war. First, naturally, we go to war. Then, of course, a bunch of people get sick of the war after, say, six months. They complain. The media complains. People complain. Hillary Clinton, who approved the war, complains. People protest and complain. Grumble bumble grumble. The government tries to regulate the war rather than let, say, the military, or somebody who actually knows how, conduct the war. Then American soldiers die, and this is absolutely outrageous. Good heavens, the war is KILLING PEOPLE! PEOPLE ARE DYING! NO ONE TOLD US PEOPLE DIED IN WARS! GET OUT! STOP FIGHTING! BAD WAR! So then we can't actually fight the war because people are dying and, heaven forbid, there are civilian casualties. That is to say, more people die. Atrocious. Horrendous. Unspeakable. UNTHINKABLE! People protest and complain. America is a nosy imperialist jerk who minds everyone else's business. Preposterous! People complain. Hillary Clinton complains. Presidential elections approach, and all the candidates propose their plans to withdraw troops so they can get elected, because everyone wants the war to end. It's TeRrIbLe HoRrIbLe BaD! Finally, a new President gets elected and they withdraw all the American troops. Then America loses the war and everyone back home is happy.
I bet this is a really fun way to play war, but it doesn't work all that well. The very last part of that little story hasn't happened yet, but it surely will. But it's okay, as long as everybody holds hands and repeats over and over again that violence never solves anything. I bet if we repeat this line enough times it will finally be true. Just think: we can wipe out tyranny, oppression, greed, and every form of evil if we just keep on telling ourselves violence never solves anything. After all, freedom is just a concept. It's not tangible. It's just an abstraction. Surely it's not worth violence. You know who is laughing at us right now? If you answered ants, that is correct of course, but it wasn't who I was referring to. The very people we choose to ignore when we say "violence never solves anything," the people who take advantage of people who sit on their hands and think nice happy thoughts all day, are laughing at us. Welcome to the real world: peace is the unachievable abstraction. It's impossible. No amount of optimism will ever accomplish the unaccomplishable goal of peace. It's a nice thought, and it's nice when everything is all hunky dory for a little while, but don't expect it to stay that way for long. If you want peace, don't hold your breath; you'll only suffocate.
Yes, when people fight, they die. At least they die for something. When King Leonidas (and this is history, folks, not just a really cool movie that just came out) took his 300 Spartan soldiers to defend the pass at Thermopylae, it was a foregone conclusion that every one of them would die. So they did. They fought, and they died. In doing so, they defeated the Persian army. Not single handedly, not immediately, but they defeated the Persians. They weren't fighting for peace. Had they wanted peace, surrendering would have been their best bet. They were fighting because they were sovereign, because they weren't about to just sit around while an egotistical jerk like Xerxes enslaved the world. Of course, that's completely different; now we live in an enlightened age where force is an uncivilized and brutish notion. Defeat, it seems, is our only option. Defeat, and happy thoughts of peace and prosperity for all. I hope they make a fine feast, sweet and intangible. I'll be dining on bitter realism.
Author's Note: This doesn't mean I explicitly support George Bush, his policies, or the Iraq war (which I previously did and which I still believe was right; I'm currently unclear as to the state of affairs). These are merely general ideas which I have applied to certain situations for the purposes of this post. I also do not consider myself a "college student" (as in "college students are hilarious") despite my actually being a college student, because I'm neither irrevocably liberal nor a mind-bogglingly dimwitted tool of the system. Furthermore, I apologize if anyone is insulted by anything written here, but if you are among those, just know that I'm rubbing the salt of truth into your wounds, and truth hurts worse than anything. Except maybe childbirth, but I'm no expert there.
The End
I've also noticed a recent trend in the way we play war. First, naturally, we go to war. Then, of course, a bunch of people get sick of the war after, say, six months. They complain. The media complains. People complain. Hillary Clinton, who approved the war, complains. People protest and complain. Grumble bumble grumble. The government tries to regulate the war rather than let, say, the military, or somebody who actually knows how, conduct the war. Then American soldiers die, and this is absolutely outrageous. Good heavens, the war is KILLING PEOPLE! PEOPLE ARE DYING! NO ONE TOLD US PEOPLE DIED IN WARS! GET OUT! STOP FIGHTING! BAD WAR! So then we can't actually fight the war because people are dying and, heaven forbid, there are civilian casualties. That is to say, more people die. Atrocious. Horrendous. Unspeakable. UNTHINKABLE! People protest and complain. America is a nosy imperialist jerk who minds everyone else's business. Preposterous! People complain. Hillary Clinton complains. Presidential elections approach, and all the candidates propose their plans to withdraw troops so they can get elected, because everyone wants the war to end. It's TeRrIbLe HoRrIbLe BaD! Finally, a new President gets elected and they withdraw all the American troops. Then America loses the war and everyone back home is happy.
I bet this is a really fun way to play war, but it doesn't work all that well. The very last part of that little story hasn't happened yet, but it surely will. But it's okay, as long as everybody holds hands and repeats over and over again that violence never solves anything. I bet if we repeat this line enough times it will finally be true. Just think: we can wipe out tyranny, oppression, greed, and every form of evil if we just keep on telling ourselves violence never solves anything. After all, freedom is just a concept. It's not tangible. It's just an abstraction. Surely it's not worth violence. You know who is laughing at us right now? If you answered ants, that is correct of course, but it wasn't who I was referring to. The very people we choose to ignore when we say "violence never solves anything," the people who take advantage of people who sit on their hands and think nice happy thoughts all day, are laughing at us. Welcome to the real world: peace is the unachievable abstraction. It's impossible. No amount of optimism will ever accomplish the unaccomplishable goal of peace. It's a nice thought, and it's nice when everything is all hunky dory for a little while, but don't expect it to stay that way for long. If you want peace, don't hold your breath; you'll only suffocate.
Yes, when people fight, they die. At least they die for something. When King Leonidas (and this is history, folks, not just a really cool movie that just came out) took his 300 Spartan soldiers to defend the pass at Thermopylae, it was a foregone conclusion that every one of them would die. So they did. They fought, and they died. In doing so, they defeated the Persian army. Not single handedly, not immediately, but they defeated the Persians. They weren't fighting for peace. Had they wanted peace, surrendering would have been their best bet. They were fighting because they were sovereign, because they weren't about to just sit around while an egotistical jerk like Xerxes enslaved the world. Of course, that's completely different; now we live in an enlightened age where force is an uncivilized and brutish notion. Defeat, it seems, is our only option. Defeat, and happy thoughts of peace and prosperity for all. I hope they make a fine feast, sweet and intangible. I'll be dining on bitter realism.
Author's Note: This doesn't mean I explicitly support George Bush, his policies, or the Iraq war (which I previously did and which I still believe was right; I'm currently unclear as to the state of affairs). These are merely general ideas which I have applied to certain situations for the purposes of this post. I also do not consider myself a "college student" (as in "college students are hilarious") despite my actually being a college student, because I'm neither irrevocably liberal nor a mind-bogglingly dimwitted tool of the system. Furthermore, I apologize if anyone is insulted by anything written here, but if you are among those, just know that I'm rubbing the salt of truth into your wounds, and truth hurts worse than anything. Except maybe childbirth, but I'm no expert there.
The End
posted by The Chris at 4:34 PM
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