Onomatopoeia: Teach Your Kids It's Not A Dirty Word

I had a weird dream the other night that, for some reason, I left two doors of the pirate sword car wide open after I parked somewhere. Upon my return to the car, I learned that everything had been removed (that is to say, stolen) from inside it: my CD player (yes, I still use a CD player, because iPods are so ridiculously overpriced that out of principle and lack of necessary funds I refuse to buy one; in fact, I think I'll address that in a minute), the radio, the hubcaps (what this had to do with the doors being open, I can't say), even the steering wheel. I realized the predicament in having no steering wheel immediately, but fortunately Meg (who, as often happens in dreams, suddenly appeared) retrieved not one but two spare steering wheels from the glove compartment. After that, everything was all hunky dory, or at least I think it was, because I drove home and the dream ended. Dreams are always so strange. They consist of the kind of things I wish my conscious imagination was capable of coming up with. Unfortunately, they're so strange and unrealistic that I would never think of them, unless they reflect recent real life situations I have encountered. I don't really care to do any kind of research about dreams, because that's the sort of thing that a nice technical, scientific explanation would sort of ruin. I do know though that robots are incapable of dreaming. I think it's because they don't have neurons (whatever neurons are), the brain components essential to dreaming.

I accidentally though of iPods in that last paragraph, and I'm glad to see that finally some other companies are coming up with suitable substitues for Apple's beast of a portable media player. For years now iPods have been going for some hundreds of dollars a pop, which is completely absurd. Now, of course, there are rival products emerging, which hopefully will create some much needed competition and knock the prices down a lot. It isn't like the technology is all that amazing. On that note, cars are also really expensive, but I can't complain because Apple doesn't have a monopoly on cars. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm among about three people on the entire planet that don't have either an iPod or a cell phone. It's pretty crazy.

I wish Audrey Raines was really dead. I mean, nothing against her personally. She isn't even a total pain in the butt like Kim Bauer. I just don't like her and Jack as an "item." I mean, the root problem is that Jack Bauer is too much of a man to fit properly with any woman, because that gives him a weakness. Yes, I know, all the artsy people would say something to the effect of "Jack Bauer has a weakness. He's just a regular guy. He isn't some immortal superher..." etc. That's a bunch of crap. Jack Bauer is a super hero. He has proven twice that he is incapable of dying, even as he is lying dead on the floor. He can escape any tricky situation, disarm any nuclear (I should say "nucular") bomb, age several years and still be totally awesome. There is no stopping Jack Bauer. My original point was that I don't think Audrey is a suitable match, and short of her really being dead I don't think there's any way to get them apart.

Tomorrow night, CBA's musical kicks off. This year they're performing "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." To be painfully honest, the music in that show (from what I've heard so far) is really weird. I will be acting as dressing room security, in order that none in the cast should be assassinated or, more realistically, no one gets back stage who doesn't belong there. I'm anticipating a special comeback appearance of Trenchcoat Man, but I guess we'll all have to wait and see.

Otherwise...

It's not a fashion statement, it's a death wish.

The End